Spen Valley Saints

Tech Tips from the Saints!

St Petes' Tips.....

° Always check that your clutch lever has more than 3mm of travel to avoid embarrasing trips into privets on petrol station forecourts!

° If fitting mod stylee accessories to your Scooter, ensure that they ARE actually fitted, with nuts and bolts, and the correct way up!

° Should your mobile ring try answering it. It may be a friend in distress!!

St Jays' Tips.....

° Always ensure that if your engine will not kick over, that you still have a Barrel, Piston and Cylinder Head in existence. The lack of these hinders performance considerably.

° The fitting of an extra set of "Indicators" can be a useful addition to any Scooter.

° Try leaving your scooter in a mates garage, with his scooters, so your scooter doesn't feel left out or lonely!

St Jims' Tips.....

° Add a whole new dimension to Scootering by inserting the ignition key into the place provided on your headset.

° Improve fitness and personal wellbeing by pushing your scooter home.

St Daves' Tips.....

° Why not try my wonderful Recipie for Chargrilled Fillet Steak with Red Onion Marmalade, Spinach and St. Agur Cheese.....wicked!

St Mark the Liquidators Tips.....

° Try an AF Rayspeed lightened flywheel for extra unnoticable acceleration, and the added bonus of having to bump start your scooter when hot.

° Buy a very expensive Stainless Scooter Products 17 Litre Tank, for extra heat to your arse. Petrol spills out onto your hot engine casing and HEY PRESTO! Central heating for scooters!

° If panel locks are fitted to your Lambretta, make sure periodically that the locking bars are secure - they work loose, beleive me!

° Spending a rediculous amount of money on your custom scooter does't mean its going to get you home. Learn how to fix it yourself you tit.

St Rob the Globetrotters Tips.....

° Instead of turning up at tiresome scooterclub meets, why not try a relaxing holiday in an exotic location. Bring back your colleagues an interesting gift created by underpaid slave workers. It gives you an enormous feeling of well being!

° Oh and why not keep your Steering Lock Key completely separate from all your others - IDEAL!

St Matt the Younger's Tips.....

° A small amount of petrol, mixed with 2% Two Stroke Oil in your scooters tank can make your first ride out on your new scooter less embarassing.

° SKEGGY pictures make great wallpaper for your bedroom

St Andy's Tips.....

° A number of miles on your clock, usually exceeding say, 250, after fitting a performance cylinder and piston kit is recommended. This prevents a pheonomenon known as "Piston Grab" - especially if you "like to pillock it a bit"

St Mark II's Tips.....

° Fit a handy legshield mirror to your snazzy "Street Racer". This way you can see if your mates are still behind you.

° Try interesting and extended routes home to amuse your friends.

St Alfies Tips.....

° I HAVE SO MANY TIPS I COULD NOT POSSIBLY LIST THEM ALL HERE - PLEASE ARRANGE A MUTUALLY CONVENIENT APPOINTMENT!

St Faz's Tips.....

° Increase the entertainment on club trips by organising a Amateur boxing match. In the street. With a knobhead in a white van. Yeah!

St Larry's Tips.....

° Wrap yourself in an electric blanket with a 70 mile long flex before setting out on that April Rideout. Means you dont have to thaw out at MacDonalds!